Metanoia

by Matt Langlais

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  • Cassette + Digital Album

    Limited edition cassette tape featuring "Metanoia" by Matt Langlais & "Vacant" by Steven Michael Holmes. Hand screen-printed album packaging, original artwork for "Vacant" by Monica Dubray.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Metanoia via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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about

\,me-tǝ-'nȯi-ə\
: a transformative change of heart;

credits

released November 4, 2014

Steven Michael Holmes has played such a big role in my musical endeavors since I met him about four years ago. He has put together CD cases for me, recorded me, taken pictures and videos of me, helped me with live shows; but most importantly, he has inspired me to grow as an artist and as a human being. Endless thanks to him for the hours he has put into this project and projects before it. Also, endless amounts of thanks to Marie Orttenburger for contributing to this album and continuing to contribute her talents to these songs.

Additional thanks to,
John & Brian Christensen,
Lindsay Groeneveld,
Arthur James Lafave,
& Lorna March,
for being kind enough to allow Steve & I to use musical instruments &/or equipment throughout the project. This would not have happened without each and every one of you, so thank you.

And thank You; for listening, for caring, for letting these songs be a part of your life, & for sharing this whole weird human experience with me.



All songs written and performed by Matt Langlais, with help from:
Steven Michael Holmes; guitar (Gone Red), kalimba (Loam)
Marie Orttenburger; violin (There Was A Slide)

Engineered & produced by Steven Michael Holmes

Cover photo by Mary Langlais
Additional art by Steven Michael Holmes

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Matt Langlais Norway, Michigan

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Track Name: Loam
The leaving snow leaves want & cold again
Their faces mold into the rolling wind
You're not alone, this open road is dead
We'll never roam, I'll never know you, friend

Take this loam, remember home again
Plant this grove, aroma coats your lens
It drops in droves, your little chrome-foot friend
I guess I'm home, the stove is overwhelmed

I'd take control of every roll & bend
I'd let you know if heels were over head
The larks emote their river's flow to ends
that did not know the nature of the trend

Tundra shifts into us
September lifts among us
The lantern lifts to see us

The leaves and snow leaves wanting cold again
Your face it molds into a widening grin
You're not alone, this open road will end
We'll never roam, I'll never know you, friend
Track Name: Sprocket
Let your heart contain your arm
to reach for something stronger,
stronger than alarms
built to keep us on guard
Guardians along,
gardens growing harmful
little legs and arms
contained inside our hearts

Hearts will grow out
like sprockets in spring,
machining
what their souls allow
to stop & begin,
repeating,

"There is no sense of shame
in one whose good old name
will give them pride & strength,
something more than average men
But then, there is also something less
when they need it"

We're not too far so long
so let's just keep on going
& see where this goes wrong
& where the fireman stops
How'd you get so gone?
I swear you were just like me
But then you hit the pond
You're something God won't want

Hearts will grow out
like sprockets in spring,
believing
what their souls allow
to stop & begin,
repeating,

"You don't love me like you did
Hearts sometimes they drift
But mine's still here, no fault of yours
I'm just a kid
whose head & heart do not know what to think
I still love you like I did
My heart conditioned bliss
to be the norm & pain is something I haven't lived
And now hurt is all that is
when I need it
I don't need it
Maybe I need it
I don't know if I need it
But maybe I need it
Maybe I need it"
Track Name: Gone Red
Hide yourself in the dark of the night
& bear your cross down
Leave me with iron & fire for light
& I'll forge a new crown
Worn on your sleeve as it fights for life
Gone red asunder
But still I remember those sleeveless nights
that cool summer

But I won't go where you go
No I won't go where you go

Smoke it will curl like your hair did flow
Oh you spoke so softly
The ice and the snow leave deep lines in the road
but that won't stop me

Cause I won't go where you go
No I won't go where you go

I won't go where you go

Things only width and breadth will show
I can't but wonder
It only takes one breath to know
you're slipping under

But I won't go where you go
No I won't go where you go
I won't go where you go
Track Name: Green Gills
Now that you know
where I lay my head,
does your mind start to wander
like mine down that hole?
Or does it wallow
in a dream of honor?

Cause to me you're looking green in the gills
& your God's running for the hills
On His heels you run
but you trip & He's stunned
Hopefully He can pick you back up
only once

How's it up there?
Is the air just as clear
as the promises?
Are you amazed?
Could you ask for anything better?
You looked in my eyes like you cared

Well, to me you're looking green in the gills
& your man's running for the hills
On his heels you run
but you trip him, he's stunned
Will you try to pull him back up?
Not even once

Cause to me you're looking green in the gills
& your God is in the hills
On His heels you lie
& think about why
you decided to pull me aside
and why I don't mind
Track Name: The Stray
These are the last weeks
& this pain in my knees keeps on rattling
like the cattle mourn their dead,
like the unfaithful mourn their newlywed
You are my last keep
It was something I couldn't see, it's all so maddening
like the last one rolled his head
& took all that we have left

What are the last words
that you will ever speak? Will they matter
when the sky is just the same?
Stays suspended on that rigid frame
Just like your altar
Your body is a torn piece of fabric,
dirty from the use of shame
Many men have worn it many ways

& like the wristwatch that you left for me that day
I'll be lost on the side of the highway
to be run over like an animal, some stray
I will not remember you by name

Oh, how the days burned
when your father hung his teeth; they kept on chattering
like an earthquake left my name
inside of her mother's grave
Oh, how the feeling
hurt like a lightning strike's shadow
on a corpse that month of May
I can't believe it's been so many days

& just like the times you let me feel that way
I will not be able to explain
how I turned over, how I let you get away
I will not remember your good grace
& like the wristwatch that you left for me that day
I'll be lost on the side of the highway
to be run over like an animal someday
I will not remember you by name
Track Name: Anyway
Every song that I make,
every new one that takes me
a year to embrace
exactly what won't face me
How moonlit your gaze
Oh, how much I did trace the
lines of your face
like your grandmother's hate speech

But now it's gone, gone away
& it's not fond any way
that you say it

Every trick that I fake,
every new one that shapes me
I cannot relate
to something that won't make heat
Every word that I break
I am not an escapee
Please, for your own sake
do not try to escape me

Cause now it's gone, gone away
& it's not fond any way
that you say it
that you say it
Track Name: California Widow
Your California window must stay shut
Your California widow is all I've got
all I've got
Your light fixture will uphold me, but only for so long
Until your bulb grows lonely, up & gone
up & gone

But only then I'll notice
that the stars did shine above your head
It's not a question of focus
I would just like to know what's ahead
& how far I've got til the end

You've taken my belongings & all my guns
I have no line of defense & nothing won
nothing won
You're dancing like a demon; hellfire burns
at your feet cleaning my grave's old dirt
my grave's old dirt

But only then I'll notice
that you're buried underneath like me
It's not a question of focus,
just of when you'll stand up & leave
& only then I'll notice
that the stars are circles in repeat
& nothing is in focus
except you telling me you want to leave
& the sound of earth on your feet
Track Name: There Was A Slide
There was a slide in the park near our houses
so we went outside & walked there
We had just met, we weren't kissing, we were just talking
But I held your hand the whole way down

I should've just kissed you at the top & told you
I should've just listened from the start & hold you
I should've just kissed you at the top & told you

There was a slide in your heart & it was not towards me
but I didn't mind to ask questions
Now you're not mine, it's like I never even knew you
So I went outside to try & get through

I should've just kissed you at the top & told you
I will never slide again if I can hold you
Your hand in mine, I didn't wanna let go so soon
Track Name: The Porch
I didn't think I
would ever get the chance to say
that you were my favorite
I hope I'm not out of place
or overstepping
my current plot in space
This dark new vacuum
where sound cannot escape
I'd still go back, dear
But now's not a time to waste
& neither was that year
You should close the drapes

& talk to me like
it's not me I
am not me
We should go to the porch
Just talk to me like
it's not me I
am not me

All those words you keep
inside that tongue you eat
You can't speak clearly
as if we didn't meet
& I won't close my eyes
because you might be there
in that dress I like
I still do, would you wear
it in my dreams
I forgot I've woken up
How am I still breathing
with a pair of broken lungs
and of broken glasses?
I'm deaf & mute & dumb
Your door is open
You should make it shut

& talk to me like
it's not me I
am not me
I should hold you close
& talk to you like
it's not you I
don't know you

Make a bed of leaves
& never leave
the land
Take your weight in me
& always keep
a hand

Talk to me like
it's not me I
am not me
We should go to the porch
Just talk to me like
it's not me I
am not me
Track Name: Chicago
I said I'd love it in Chicago
River flowing brown & green
Maybe blue if you don't haunt me
What is there for me
Buy a pair of shoes in the city,
the same kind you got for me
You know, the ones with the silver lining
I'll find a home for my feet

But then the water struck a note
like you struck me too
It came too soon
& the bridge was reflecting the sun like sheets
of morning dew
that afternoon
I followed you

I said I'm here if you need me
& I stand on sandy shores
waiting for the tide to wash over
& retreat once more,
once more

I once knew beauty in the form
of a girl,
who I thought you were
But then you shifted shapes
& returned into
the real you
We once knew loving only true
in the room
where I changed you
If only I knew
how to change you once more,
once more,
once more,
once more